here goes number one from me.
EDIT; sobs i cried. never mind I don’t feel like having this around fully. /adds more tag
i promise the rest of them won’t be so emo .
October 12, 2011
If I mailed this letter you couldn’t quite get it. If I told you to come to our blog you couldn’t quite connect. If I still had you around I know this letter wouldn’t be much different.
I still like the writing letters by hand, albeit the only ones that get mailed are the thank you letters these days. It’s just another one of those things you got me really into. Remember I’d write letters to you when you were sick in the hospital? Visiting hours weren’t very nice in my childhood schedule so of course dad had to deliver the mail. You’d write me back too, even pointing out any little mistakes in my spelling since you were good with that. You even put in little lessons in Chinese since we couldn’t talk like we did. Anyway this letter is more like a prompt just given for when you want, if you want, to write something, I guess?
I’m doing really well in school. I know you’d always wonder about it when you were away. You were always telling me to look for all the ways to do what anything asks, not just the answer through one route. I see why you said this now. I guess it helped on the PSAT I took today, I felt like I did okay. Think how I see it, think how the author said it, think how you would see it, think how the teacher would see it; it’s hard, but just trying to helped.
You never had a chance to see the years where you said I’m to get a boyfriend, but when I first heard the word and asked you what it meant, I do believe you joked about me being able to get any fine one. You were wrong, stupid! Yeah, sure, boys like me and my face but no. No no no and NO. I am not quite able to ‘get any fine one.’ Did you know the first time I saw Grandpa Shih cry was at your ‘going-away gathering’? He’s gone now, but maybe he’s with you. You two together made me really happy. I always hoped I’d grow old like you did with Grandpa, having this wonderful kind of family and of course something as adorable as me. (hah!)
I think you rarely asked what I wanted to be when I grow up because you know I’d be doing something else in the years to come. Now I’m striving for doing something in health care, not sure what exactly yet. It’s a lot different from the last time you were in the hospital. You know the building you were in, it was brand new and you couldn’t even describe the machines in there. I volunteer in that very one, and it’s only gotten more advanced stuff with just as advanced people working the place. It’s pretty astounding.
I’m trying to think what I could say. It’s hard without anything you sent to go by. I really miss you. I cried ten times as much as Grandpa back then, but now my tears can run dry. I only cry at movies and really happy things, really, nothing from the past like you said I shouldn’t cry too much over. You said a lot of things. I listened to a lot of them. I still follow things you said, like there’s a hidden rulebook in the back of my head.
You wouldn’t like it, but no one talks to me in Chinese as much as you did, but Edwin and Jed (you haven’t met Jed, but he’s really great, he’s kind of like me) aren’t as strong in it because they didn’t have you for so long to chat with or get lessons from. So because we both didn’t know where we’re going (you probably know now, I’d say???), and I don’t care yet, maybe I’ll see you again one day. We’ll talk lots, right?